


all things he ever wished are left behind

by theyellowcurtains



Series: Isak og Even [11]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cuddling, Death, Drug Use, Heartbreak, Hurt, M/M, Protectiveness, Sad Even, Warm, i cried so much writing this im sorry, soft, this is all sad fuck me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 22:15:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11091024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyellowcurtains/pseuds/theyellowcurtains
Summary: When he got the call that Isak had been in a crash and had not made it he was pretty sure he could hear his world exploding. He went back to their flat and laid in their bed wrapped in their bedsheets, not crying, just staring at the wall feeling empty. His eyes locked on the most recent drawing of Isak he had done stuck to the wall.AKA: Even misses Isak and has become a drug addict. He has a drug induced dream that shows him another universe where Isak is still alive and everything is good still.





	all things he ever wished are left behind

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry this is so sad. I am in an awful mindset right now and everything feels awful. I am really sorry that this is so much sadder than what I normally write.  
> The title is from a song in spring awakening called left behind. I would really recommend listening to it, maybe not while reading this, but whatever boats your float.

**_21.juni_ **

Photo albums where spread across the floor. Alcohol pouring out of the dropped bottle, ruining many precious photographs that could never be replaced. Even had passed out being beyond drunk now. 

He knew that today was possibly the worst day to have pulled out the old albums. He knew that today was going to be shit, he woke up and the first thing he did was shoot up.  He was fucked off his mind on heroin, pretty much had been for the past three months. He knew he should be trying to put his life together and talk to people again, but he felt so broken and lost without Isak. 

When he got the call that Isak had been in a crash and had not made it he was pretty sure he could hear his world exploding. He went back to their flat and laid in their bed wrapped in their bedsheets, not crying, just staring at the wall feeling empty. His eyes locked on the most recent drawing of Isak he had done stuck to the wall. 

He stayed like that for the first week. Jonas had come over and they'd sat together in silence for hours not even trying to talk. They didn't need to. His mum came over later that same day and made him eat and shower before she tidied up their room a little. She sad on the end of the bed and left a hand sitting on his leg. 

Even cried that night. For the first time. Violent sobs were jerking his body around as he held onto his mother and cried. He wanted nothing more than to wake up and this have all been a dream. He didn't want to have to know that the love of his life is gone and that he will never get him back. 

His mother sat and stroked his back the whole time he was crying until he had fallen asleep. Even then she was there when he woke up. She made him eat breakfast before she had to leave for work. 

Even felt so alone. 

-

He went out to a party three weeks after the crash. He met a guy named Jason who took him out back and got him high on heroin for the first time. After that Even was hooked. It stopped him feeling so deflated, and instead made him feel warm. He loved that he felt like he was on top of the world and could do anything. 

-

It was a month later that Even realised he was having a manic episode when he first tried heroin and that was part of why it was so good. But even now that it wasn't so good he was scared to stop. It wasn't him replacing Isak, but distracting himself from the truth. 

-

Now it was Isak's birthday and Even had been shooting up all day, before deciding to get drunk off all the liquor in the apartment. He hadn't gotten drunk yet, so he thought that maybe this would help him feel better. 

He was wrong. He had sat on the floor in their room crying into photos of them for hours and hours. He'd gotten up three times to throw up and get more bourbon. He could barely walk due to the dizziness he felt, he couldn't really see properly. 

He had now passed out with his face laying on a photo of Isak sitting in his old bedroom window, a joint sitting loosely between his fingers. Even's last thought before passing out was that he had never seen anyone look so gorgeous. 

-

Even opened his eyes to see bright light illuminating white bedsheets blinding him almost. He could feel someone holding onto his waist and resting his head on his chest. It felt familiar and safe, but also alarming. 

How fucked up had Even gotten last night? He couldn't remember leaving the apartment, let alone hooking up with someone. He didn't want to hook up with someone. The only person he was supposed to hook up with was Isak. 

He sat up panicked, throwing the other person across the bed. He was in his own bed, it was strange because he could have sworn that he had the blue bedsheets on it still, because they still smelled like Isak. 

"Baby, what the fuck?"

Even froze. He would know that voice anywhere at any time. It was Isak. Had it been a dream? If so why would his mind fuck him over like that? Even didn't care. He just pulled Isak close to him and cuddled him tight to his chest. He kissed the top of his head over and over, never wanting to leave this embrace. He felt tears falling down his face and neck. 

"Even, baby, what's wrong baby? What happened?" Isak looked up concerned "Baby look at me please."

Even looked down, looking into those green eyes and he felt his heart break again. He didn't say anything he just kissed him. Even tried to keep kissing him for as long as he could, but Isak was really concerned. 

"What's happening in your head baby? You can tell me anything love." Isak said this so softly that Even broke down again. 

Slowly he calmed his breathing and explained to Isak. He finished his explanation by telling him he still wasn't completely sure if it had been a dream or not. He asked Isak to tell him what they did yesterday to see if he could figure out if it was or not. 

Isak pushed Even to lay down and cuddled up into his side, sniffing. Isak had started crying listening to Even speak, he didn't want to ever see his Even get that bad ever. Even held Isak waiting for him to speak. 

"Okay, so yesterday we were with your parents in the morning. We had stayed there for the last week because it was Christmas. We had coffee and gingerbread before we walked home. It started snowing and you tackled me into the snow and kept rubbing your nose on mine saying it was 'too adorable and red and tiny and squishy' you started tickling my sides and it was crazy for a bit after that. We went and had lunch with Eva, she was doing well. She told us Vilde and her finally sorted their shit out and are together, which is amazing. After lunch we came back here and I made you watch Moulin Rouge! with me because we hadn't watched it in about two years together. Obviously I have adopted it as my favourite movie so I've watched it about a thousand times on my own. We had a little marathon and cuddled in bed with your laptop between us. After you cooked us dinner and it was lovely. We had white wine and strawberries after. You kept kissing me and telling me you loved me, it was so sweet. We came inside and I rode you. It was pretty amazing. I left some great marks on your chest. We fell asleep and now we are here." 

Even cried for the third time this morning. He knew the day that Isak was talking about, but it happened the Christmas before last. He knew that there was no way that this was real at this point. He held Isak close, not once closing his eyes in fear that if he did the dream would end and he would be alone again.

Isak got out of the bed at some point and went and made tea for Even. He put it on the table beside their bed. Even calmed down a fair bit before he sat up reaching for the cup. That's when he noticed.

The curtains.

They were yellow. Such a lovely yellow, with small lace flower patterns on them, the curtains stretching from roof to floor. Even couldn't breathe.

-

Even didn't leave the room the whole time he was in this dream. He was slightly scared of some sort of Freddy Krueger, nightmare on elm street thing happening to him now, even though it really wouldn't be the worst thing to have happened to him this year. 

It was evening and he was laying in bed with Isak again. He was holding him so tightly to his chest. Not wanting to ever let go. They laid there together talking about small things that meant everything to them. Somewhere in the middle of their conversation Isak dozed off. Now his face was pressed into Even's chest, tiny snores coming from him. 

Even played with Isak's hair, running his other hand up and down his back. He wanted to remember this, even if it wasn't real. It was a chance to be with him for a while again. He kissed the top of Isak's head, leaving his head there and inhaling his scent. He wanted to remember every different shade of blond in his hair, the way his shirt felt against his back, the way he rested his legs cuddling Even. He needed to remember the sounds of his breathing and the tiny movements his hands made. He had to remember the way his eyelashes rested on his cheekbone and his eyebrows were slightly pushed together. 

Even was so scared of having to leave this and go back to his real life. This was the best he has felt since, and yet it's the worst he's felt too. He took a moment to appreciate Isak's warmth and closed his eyes. 

-

The next time he opened them he could hear a beeping sound. His first thought was that it was one of Isak's annoying alarms. 

"Baby turn that off. Just hold me please." He reached out across what he thought would be the same bed he was just in, but instead nearly fell out of the thin plastic-like bed he actually was in. 

He opened his eyes and looked around. He realised he was in a hospital. He knew why but he wasn't ready to admit it yet. He made eye contact with his mum who was sitting in a chair at the end of his bed. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. 

"Even. You're awake. Finally."

"Mum, why am I here?"

"I came to check on you last night because I knew that it would be a hard day for you and I could you laying on the floor, vomit all around you and half dead. You overdosed on heroin and bourbon Even."

Even didn't say anything, but the look he gave his mother said an apology worth a million. A nurse came into the room now, a clipboard, clearly ready to ask questions and explain things to Even.

He wasn't really sure all of what he was told except for the fact that he would be in a mental hospital for a few months, maybe a year. He was allowed to go home and get a few personal items but there were guidelines to what he could and couldn't have. His mum had to go with him and stay with him the entire time. 

He stopped listening after that really. He was making a list trying to think about all of Isak's clothes and what bags he could use to shove them into. He would also need their doona, and the blue pillow. The red snapback. That was important. He thought that maybe he could take only Isak's things and it would be fine. It would be like he was there with him. He was also going to get the notes Isak wrote him, even the ones that said small stupid things like 'just going to the shops we need milk x' because they were important to him. He was going to take some photos as well. The one he passed out on last night, if it was okay. He was going to try and take as much of Isak with him as he could. He wasn't ready to let go of him yet.

**Author's Note:**

> I am really sorry if any of you were hurt reading this. I promise that I will be back to writing nice things again soon. I wrote this not really being able to think about other things.


End file.
